i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
