Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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