Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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