So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
