why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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