God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
