That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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