just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
