So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
