Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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