Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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