After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
