I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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