While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
