theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
