he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
