Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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