I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
