forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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