I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
