I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
