I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
