Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
