how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
