I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
