My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
All I want is dick and wine.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
