I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Barsexuality is the new black.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
