allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
