Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
