I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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