yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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