I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
