Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
there was a trapeze. enough said
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
