My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
