Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
