Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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