allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
