At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
