i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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