I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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