the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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