my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
