This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
