life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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