Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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