Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
