we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
