I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
