If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
