why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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