you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
