Pappa wants mamma naked
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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