Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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