I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
