Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
