She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
