his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
