Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
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