I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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