Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
