Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she smelled like a LAN party
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
