If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
