You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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