I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
