I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
