Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We left the knife in your bed.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
