I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
