I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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