If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I pour the whiskey from now on
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
