Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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